In today’s pop psychology-saturated society, validation is a word we tend to hear quite often. ‘You’re valid’, ‘That’s a valid opinion, but–’, ‘Validate me’–lines like this are far from uncommon to hear as daily turns of phrase. But really, what is validation?
Going by the technological definition, it means confirming that something–be it a person, program, or other item–is in fact what it claims to be. Using the research definition, it means something similar–assessing whether the process or methods used to achieve the results for an experiment are something that can be reliably replicated to get the same results. Given these meanings, what would it mean to be validated as a person?
The key thread between both of these definitions is the theme of ‘approval’. Thus, one can assume that to be validated is to receive approval as a person, whether it be of your opinions, your personhood, your personality, your role in society–to be accepted as you are. And you’ll find that if you look in the Cambridge dictionary–this is precisely what it means.
What is Validation?
In dialectical behavior therapy (DBT), VALIDATE is actually an acronym. More specifics can be found in Lane Pederson’s Expanded DBT Skills Training Manual, which is great for if you would like to look further into DBT, but the long and short of it will be explained in the next few lines.
V stands for Value others, A for Ask questions, L for Listen and reflect, I for Identify with others, D for Discuss emotions, A for Attend to nonverbals, T for Turn the mind, and E for Encourage participation. Some of these might be easier to immediately understand than others–for example, what on earth does ‘Turn the mind’ mean?
In essence, it means nonjudgmentally accepting that the behaviors of others make sense to them within their context, even if we cannot understand or agree with them. In the same vein, ‘Attend to nonverbals’ means paying attention to the body language of others, and ‘Discuss emotions’ means not just discussing your own, but encouraging active discussion of others’ emotions. Finally, ‘Encourage participation’ refers to not only encouraging engagement from others when they are down, but from yourself when you are down.
What About Self-Validation?
To validate oneself, at this point, most would probably assume, means to accept oneself. To approve of your own actions and opinions and traits, your own history and background. Some might think that this is a natural thing, and for many, it’s easy to accept oneself–we’re all naturally biased towards our own opinions. However, this is not the case for everyone.
Many are raised amongst those who innately oppose their very being–through ideals that promote homophobia, transphobia, racism, sexism, colorism, ableism, aphobia, and so on–there are too many kinds of discrimination to list. Self-validation in a world that refuses to validate your very existence is an extremely difficult task, but it is not impossible.
We live in an age of global connection. As mentioned in previous articles, this can mean being exposed to terrible things–conversely, it can also mean being exposed to great things. It is easier than ever before to find those who are like yourself, whether that be in sexuality or ethnic background or even simply hobbies and interests, and to connect with a community that better identifies with you than those who are physically around you.
Most importantly, the VALIDATE skills used in DBT are not just meant for others, but for yourself. Value yourself–identify honestly with yourself, discuss your emotions, turn the mind towards the parts of yourself that are harder to accept and appreciate them as well. Appreciation is the first step towards approval, acceptance, and validation–learn to appreciate the things that make you a unique intersection of communities in the world, and irreplaceable to those who know you, and in this process, understand that even if your existence needs no validation, it receives it regardless.
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